Some years ago, I worked for an insurance company. It was at the insurance company that I learned a phrase that I thought was humorous at the time. This was the phrase,
“Home is where you go when you’re sick of being nice to people”
We would spend the day trying to secure sales appointments, then often spend evenings selling many types of insurance and mortgages. Sadly, the phrase was sometimes a reality. I would leave an appointment using my most reassuring supportive voice and persona. I would assure my clients that nothing was too much trouble. My client should call me at any time if they had any questions. It was important to be totally attentive. Te appointment would be over and I would drive home. As tiredness began to make its presence felt I would grunt an acknowledgment towards my wife and family, grab some food and sit in front of the TV.
The above scenario is something I relate on the first day of all my classes as I explain my intention for the experience the participants of the leadership training will hopefully receive. I go on to state the following.
You can come to this leadership training and learn techniques and hopefully acquire some knowledge that you can apply at work. This is one approach. My intention is to motivate you to focus on personal improvement and take a better version of yourself home.
Why? Because I of the following concept a good friend taught me.
You are CEO of You Ltd. Now your biggest client is XXXXX.
Your job is to add value and mitigate risk at what ever level you are working. You will apply yourself using elegant and professional communication and problem solving while doing no harm to others. If, however, you are doing your best and XXXXX, your biggest client, is doing harm to you it may be time to find another client.
You should give your time to good clients with whom you have a great relationship.
The best version of your self
My belief is that best version of yourself should be given to you, then to your beloved, then to your children and family. Work gets what is left. Not the other way around. This carries a big responsibility because as Brendon Burchard in his book High Performance Habits states the work life balance is a challenge. One approach to work life balance is to think of this balance as filling two buckets. The work bucket and the home bucket. The key is to be present for each bucket during the filling and attend to both buckets. At times the home bucket may be getting low so extra effort will be required.
You cannot teach what you are not
With leadership you can only teach what you are. You cannot teach what you are not. Leadership and management are, in my opinion a form of patient teaching mingled with caring for a work family.
In a natural nuclear and extended family, we have members that we would love to vote off the island. We can’t however, They are, members of our family. We must love them. A work family is the same. There are those at work who are easy to be around and there are those who you ‘have to love’ The advantage in rare occasions in the workplace is we can vote them off the island.
The workplace is full of many characters requiring attention and care. The key point is amongst these characters we need to deliver the best self while these people are part of our client base.
Workplace Characters
What I find interesting, is that as I discuss the following characters people in my leadership training groups smile and nod. Some turn to a colleague and mention a name followed by both colleagues nodding.
Some of the characters we must deal with are Waldorf and Statler from the Muppets. These are the two old guys who sit up in the balcony and continually emit negative statements towards Kermit the frog. The naysayers, the negative Nellies who learned how to do something many years ago and determined that was the best way to do it.
We also must confront poisonous dwarves. These are people who smile to your face but stab you as soon as your back is turned. They leave poison comments throughout the workplace. They scurry and hide but go on with their poisonous deeds.
Then we have the ego centric narcissistic managers for whom the rules do not apply. For these people targets, objectives and numbers that make them look good are their goal. The irony of this type of manager is they are very efficient in a target based environment.
Hmm! We have a lot to deal with. Among these characters within the organisation of our biggest client are also loyal, caring, hardworking colleagues who consistently do their best and are always ready to offer support. We also have people and target focused managers who endeavor to build a circle of safety where trust and cooperation grow.
Developing your best self
This leads to my point. We need to develop our best self. To be a leader and to be able to add value and mitigate risk we need the capacity to move along the spectrum of leadership and management. Some days we need to inspire and some days we need to micromanage. It depends on the situation. If we can develop our best self we hopefully, will gain the wisdom to know when to adopt the correct leadership style.
Congruence is important to me. To be congruent in my leadership training I endeavour to live all the concepts I teach. You can only teach what you are with a sincerity that is confirmed by your presence and the truth in your voice. People know if your words align with your beliefs.
Hence, when teaching leadership, I emphasise that I could teach several academic business models which come from the world of butterflies and unicorns. I can teach concepts and tell stories, but true leadership is congruent with a self that is present and able to deal with the poisonous dwarves, the Waldorf and Statlers and the egocentric narcissistic managers.
You will not always be successful. Some clients do not deserve your time effort and wisdom. You are responsible for the relationship. You are responsible for yourself. The best self that you give to you, to your beloved and to your family. Works is where you choose to be.
You are CEO of You Ltd.
