Stillness…

It seemed like a good idea at the time but now as I was on the verge of cramp, and I was not so sure. I was sitting cross legged on a cushion in a room in the expert’s home learning how to meditate.

The room was decorated with Buddhist icons while incense burned. I had been advised by a counsellor that the path out of depression should not be reliant on medication alone. It was apparently a smorgasbord of disciplines encompassing the mind, the body and the spirit.

Frankie, my teacher explained I should count my breaths while only focussing on my breathing. My objective was to count to ten without my thoughts straying away from the central idea of focusing on my breath. This was somewhat disappointing as I thought mediation was going to take me to a new mystical realm of insight!

Frankie encouraged me with her gentle but firm voice and I began. After counting to five for the sixth time because my thoughts strayed, I saw the point of the exercise. There was a lot of thinking occurring. In fact, my capacity to not focus on one thing was revealed. I realised how much crap seemed to flow through my mind. At this point the realisation of the purpose of the exercise was followed by a second realisation. I thought, I oversaw my thinking. My mind had a mind of its own. The value of mediation became part of my life.

Just the other day someone reminded me of the mediation joke. The wise master tells the student, “you should meditate for 30 minutes every day. Unless you are busy then you should meditate for an hour”

The above thoughts returned to me as I came across Ryan Holiday’s book –

STILLNESS IS THE KEY The Call to Stillness.

The main premise of his book is your best and most creative business ideas will never come in the hustle and bustle of the modern workplace. Nor will they come by listening to the million different opinions and voices which populate social media. To really come up with innovative and creative ideas, you need to answer the call to stillness.

Why bother with stillness?

“If I was to sum up the single biggest problem of senior leadership in the Information Age, it’s lack of reflection. Solitude allows you to reflect while others are reacting. We need solitude to refocus on prospective decision-making, rather than just reacting to problems as they arise.” – James Mattis, Marine Corps general and former secretary of defence

The 7 steps to stillness.

1.     Have a strong moral Compass. 

Specifically, you must figure out your own answers to questions such as;

a.     What’s important to me?

b.     What values do I want to exemplify?

c.     How am I going to live, and why?

In other words, when you live by your own moral code, you gain personal virtue. Seneca, a Stoic philosopher, described virtue as “True and steadfast judgment”. When you have virtue, you can make good decisions which lead to happiness and peace for your soul. Virtue is a sustainable way to succeed.

“It is for the difficult moments in life that virtue can be called upon. We develop good character, strong epithets for ourselves, so when it counts, we will not flinch. So that when everyone else is scared and tempted, we will be virtuous. We will be still”. – Ryan Holiday

2.     Come to terms with wounds

We all live with mistakes of various degrees. Some of the mistakes we encounter can be the errors of our parents as they tried their best to raise us. For some our parents may have been cruel or abusive. We may have made errors that have hurt others. The key point is to move on. It is to accept our errors or the errors of others and gently accept, forgive and move forward. The past does not equal the future. Come to terms and move on.

3.     Avoid harmful desires

In stillness we can reveal and acknowledge our real desires. We can tell ourselves the truth about our interaction with lust, envy, jealousy and all the deadly sins.

“No one in the sway of envy or jealousy has a chance to think clearly or live peacefully. How can they? It is an endless loop of misery. We’re envious of one person, while they envy somebody else. The factory worker wishes desperately to be a millionaire, the millionaire envies the simple life of the nine-to-five worker. The famous wish they could go back to the private life that so many others would gladly give away; the man or woman with a beautiful partner thinks only of someone a little more beautiful. It’s sobering to consider that the rival we’re so jealous of may in fact be jealous of us.” – Ryan Holiday

4.     Avoid the pursuit of more

Another great book, The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Accor speaks of the leap frog principle we place on happiness. We say, “I will be happy once I have saved enough for a deposit on a house”. When we have the new house, we say “I will be happy when we have completed the landscaping on the new house”. When that goal is reached, we push happiness further forward with statements such as, “I will be happy when I secure that new position at work.” The point is to be happy now.

“Accomplishment. Money. Fame. Respect. Piles and piles of them will never make a person feel content. If you believe there is ever some point where you will feel like you’ve “made it,” when you’ll finally be good, you are in for an unpleasant surprise. You will never feel okay by way of external accomplishments. Enough comes from the inside. It comes from stepping off the train. From seeing what you already have, what you’ve always had. If a person can do that, they are richer than any billionaire, more powerful than any sovereign.” – Ryan Holiday

5.     Bathe in nature’s beauty

The Japanese have a term called Shinrin Yoku which means forest bathing. This is the process of disconnecting from man made activity to engage with nature. I live in a beautiful place in Raglan. On our 12 acre block we have small ponds. I built a jetty on one of the ponds for the specific purpose of reflection. One day while sitting on the jetty I realised that when you sit in nature there is no judgement. You do not look at a tree and think, “if that tree made more effort it could be taller”. When I sit in nature, I link to think nature is saying to me. “you are ok as you are. Just relax”

6.     Believe in a higher power

“This is about rejecting the tyranny of our intellect, of our immediate observational experience, and accepting something bigger, something beyond ourselves. Perhaps you’re not ready to do that, to let anything into your heart. That’s okay. There’s no rush. Just know that this step is open to you. It’s waiting. And it will help restore you to sanity when you’re ready.” – Ryan Holiday

7.     Practice appreciation 

Be grateful for many things. Be grateful for health and relationships. I recall Anthony Robbins stating in one of his books that many people get to the top of success mountain and scream “We made it!”. They turn and see they are alone. As the look down the mountain they see the broken relationships falling one side and their crumbling health falling down the other side. We need focus on correct priorities and be grateful for the people in our lives.

“To accrue mastery or genius, wealth or power, solely for our own benefit? What is the point? By ourselves, we are a fraction of what we can be. By ourselves, something is missing, and, worse, we feel that in our bones. Which is why stillness requires other people; indeed, it is for other people.” – Ryan Holiday

Your best ideas and the best version of yourself will come when you open to clear thought that is present beyond the clutter of distraction. Beyond the background of human frailty and immediate gratification. Sit still be grateful and breath for a few moments. Create your own version of mediation or stillness.